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Executive Leadership Coach Lauren Jane Heller looks out over Montreal Landscape

Coming Into Alignment & Integrity with One Little Word

The “No” Diet

If you’re human (and I’m fairly certain you are) then you know what it feels like to be out of integrity. There are physical sensations that accompany the feeling of “no,” of “this isn’t right,“ of “I don’t want this.”

“Your body is telling you what direction life is in. Try trusting it. Turn away from what feels cold. Go toward what feels warm.” - Glennon Doyle, Untamed

In the moments when you feel agitated or reactive, if you breathe, pause, and wait for the spinning to slow, you can notice what your heart and gut and body are telling you. You can notice what’s really happening (not just in your head!) and choose how to be. This is a practice of integrity.

Integrity can be defined as “the state of being whole and undivided”.

When you let your deepest wisdom come through and translate it with your mind, you are using all of your faculties, all of your intelligence to honour truth, to choose the path that aligns with your values, your mission and your heart, no matter what shows up along the way.

Integrity isn’t about being “right” or doing what’s “moral”. Leading with integrity comes through inner clarity rather than conventional or societal ideals. Staying in integrity requires being true to yourself and your values, being a stand for yourself and others, choosing the path that your greater intelligence — your gut and your heart — tell you is best.

There are many things that get in the way of staying in integrity. It’s easy to rationalize decisions and try to think our way out of (or into!) situations when deep down we know they’re not in alignment with our values, our goals or who we are as humans.

The desire for others’ approval often leads us to step out of integrity.

You don’t want to upset someone. You don’t want them to think less of you. You don’t want to rock the boat. You stay quiet when you wish you had spoken up. You speak glibly or unkindly. You create drama. You react…and then you regret.

Likewise, the desire for security can lead us to abandon ourselves.

We say yes to working long hours at the expense of our health, our relationships, our self-care, our pleasure. We make ourselves small to fit into the boxes we are given. We abandon ourselves in the name of safety. We create suffering for ourselves and others, unaware that there is another way.

But there is. You can access it by tuning in with yourself. This is the most powerful move you can make as a leader, as a parent, as a community member. You can choose truth. You can choose freedom. You can choose integrity.

By staying in integrity, you will show others that you are trustworthy, strong, clear and connected.

Knowing your truth and expressing it with heart and clarity gives others permission to voice their dissent, to voice their truth, when something feels wrong for them. As Glennon Doyle writes in Untamed, “We must be committed to holding on to nothing but the truth. We must decide that if the truth inside us can burn a belief, a family structure, a business, a religion, an industry—it should have become ashes yesterday.”

As we move toward the year’s end, let’s all tune in with ourselves and choose our truth over the fear-based patterns we have grown accustomed to.

In this light, here are a few questions you can reflect on to get clear on how you’re showing up in your life and how you’d like to shift this.

  • In which situations do you most often notice yourself shifting out of integrity?
  • What does integrity feel like in your body?
  • How do you choose to show up in the world in the future?

Wishing you a beautiful week!

Love always,


P.S. We’re getting close to the deadline to apply for the Shine+ Heart program that kicks off on January 19, 2023 with a 3-day retreat and deep dive into Connected Leadership. If you’re ready to shift into living in integrity and creating success on your own terms there’s still time to apply. Registration closes on December 15, 2022.

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